At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
