tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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