I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
