she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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