i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
