Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
