Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He shit in the fireplace
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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