i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
