i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
