I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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