I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
