Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
