She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
