I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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