Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
