I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
