I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
