we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
