Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
