if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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