oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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