Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
