He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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