i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
