chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you had me at cake vodka
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
