his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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