This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
