did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize