U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
