I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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