Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
