I don't usually arrange sex via text message
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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