Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
