guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
