Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
