she peed on how many people?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
