I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
