I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
