Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
