we're blogging at a bar
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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