I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
