I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
