Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
