I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
