Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think i have herpe
just one?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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