just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They are going to name an STD after you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
