please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
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