Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
