R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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