true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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