No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
