Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
