i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize