what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
