you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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