If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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