No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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