Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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