You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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