Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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