I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
