Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
