The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
