Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
