i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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