You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
