Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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