We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
